They say it goes in cycles, the good and the bad that is, a friend once told me that if you’re having a tough time with a phase your child is going through it would only last for two weeks, than some other shit, ideally easier will take over. I’m a proud dad who loves his one and only daughter more than anything else in the world. Whilst I’m sure many people say that but I wholeheartedly mean it, if something was to happen to her than I would have two options:
1) End my life through overdosing on a selection of depressents.
2) Slide down the downward spiral to a place so dark there would be no coming back.
This would not just be out of loss, it would be the guilt and shame of my pointless life that would prod me towards the darkness. I can’t say I really enjoyed my childhood, I always and still feel forgotten or avoided. Don’t get me wrong I have always had friends and parents who loved me. I always wanted something more… Though I don’t quite know what, it’s like an animal instinct that I have been searching for my whole life but the only things I have picked up on the way are anger, guilt, shame and self hate.